On the West Side

Isn't it funny how we get things ‘fixed’ in our mind and sometimes for no obvious reason? One such occurrence for me in my childhood and early adulthood was that I dreamed of frequenting California. Not Hollywood, neither Las Vegas – just California. Isn’t that a silly dream?

I do not recall any reason for this desire. I associate absolutely nothing with it, like, if I saw a movie and the west looked fascinating, but not so. I don’t know what this whim stemmed from.

Since I have no clue why I felt like “California or bust”, I have created a theory about myself. I lived in the south central part of the US. Not even the beaches of Galveston, TX and Biloxi, MS made me happy, although, I had my moments. 

The little town where precisely I grew up is a mere dot on the map known as Clute, Texas where the sandy beaches were thick, clean and almost white. To this day Surfside is still a great spot for a beach space. The vast ocean was breathtaking to view from the highest point of the tall bridge there. Like a steep roller coaster, the road went up, up and up. At the top you thought you would fall off – how I loved it! The ride down took my stomach but who noticed with the thrill of a panoramic big blue ocean? At the descent on the beach side of the bridge, the road gently kissed the sand. What great memories.

Atop the restless waves, I would ride in a big inner tube. Then nearing the shore, I'd leap forward onto the deep sand and begin my new collection of lovely seashells while returning back up-shore from where I started - all a highlight of my life. There was plenty of space to run along-side the ocean front. I also enjoyed walking to the end of the long piers and hearing the sound of the moderately tall waves smash against the rocks that kept the pier in its place as the ocean commanded utter respect. It was tranquil, yet, I was not always at peace. Inside was a storm and it was from deep within all the way to the surface of my being threatening to burst out!

No one knew by looking at me as I playfully rode the waves and ran the beach that I was not free within. My emotions were boxed up – sealed with invisible tape, tied with intangible string and stamped with a non-erasable, “Fragile” marking. I was ready to be shipped to California! For some reason, that was the place I had chosen to make my escape!

Now that I am all grown up, California is the last place I wish to live. To visit… well, that would be alright, but I don’t want to stay there. The wild and 'free' place I had conjured up in my mind, is not at all a representation of freedom as I currently understand freedom. The thin, long state along the far west coast where people ventured to ‘step out of the box’ became an icon for many dreamers to escape – if not in reality, then, with their imagination. There, a person could develop into ‘anyone’ they fantasized themselves to be without risking criticism from peers. They were not shunned, blackballed or ostracized for thinking differently and trying out their unique ideas. This is not true of California today.

I am certain that the former atmosphere of California is why I wanted so much to go there. It suited me as a different sort of person. Misplaced, among conformists, life got lonely at times. How I craved to be in a place where friendships would thrive of people ready to applaud me for stepping out of the old robotic routine of an otherwise daily humdrum existence. I would also applaud those who stepped out! In California – people dared to be free thinkers and free doers. What a place of heaven on earth! There, people did not succumb to the mandates and dictates of societal traditions governed by old rules of etiquette and superstitions. Never! Californians dared to be free. They walked, talked and laughed freely among a class of their own – individuals who thought much like themselves.

Now I know… what a stupid concept to have of any place on earth! Any town, state or country that does not follow a healthy restraint of whimsical behaviors and allow wholesome rules and regulations to keep in check what would otherwise be unrestrained, hurtful behaviors, is landmarked for disaster.

I look at America and at all her states - even to the whole world; I recognize that something has gone awry. I am convinced that we are confused about what healthy ‘escape’ is. Relaxation and mental revival does not consist of doing totally as one pleases without reservation. This only leads to situations where problems arise out of problems due to the complexities born out of careless choices. There are consequences to our actions. These were not invented by lawmakers, although they have made new laws, in fact, too many! Consequences are not invented by any authority other than God who established earthly authority to rule over the actions of humankind. Why did God set it up this way?

Should I be compelled to answer when anyone with a half a mind can look all around and answer for themselves? Attune your eyes and ears… the answer is no mystery; it screams out of every place on every sidewalk and in every building... even on every beach front.

I no longer feel the need for California or any other place to escape because 'escape' resides within me. How pleasant to look back at my childhood places with fond memories – even though, while I was there, the grass looked greener on the 'west' side. Yes, the waves seemed bigger, the surfers sexier and the sand looked a bit fluffier and whiter on the other side. Was I ever wrong!

I eventually found my escape from empty, futile aspirations... most of them lacking realizable substance and I refuse to step back into a ‘hollow’ box where hollow thinking rules. 

                                                                       Copyright 2010, LifeLite (R